Capri is an Island…

Capri is an island…not a flattering pant length.  Capri pants’ target demo is 10-year-old girls. Ten-year-old girls don’t have any issues with clothing that visually shortens you and highlights the largest part of your lower leg. Besides, what is the point of Capri pants? Are they supposed to be comfortable in hot weather, as if they are really long shorts? My lower legs are generally not very sweaty. Are they supposed to be less restrictive, as if your calf-to-ankle region is super sensitive to the touch of fabric? WHAT IS THE POINT OF YOU, CAPRI PANTS?

I said that I wasn’t in favor of age-based style edicts, but I make an exception for myself with capri pants. I sell children’s clothing at Juvie. We carry capri pants. For girls. Capri pants are for little girls.

Here are some other trouser lengths that I find do work for people over the age of 10:

Ankle Pants

Anyone who knows me knows that I wear these $10 pants at least three days a week. A word of warning: try these on in the store, and bring three of the same size into the fitting room. At $10/pop, the fit varies wildly from pair to pair.








These MICHAEL by Michael Kors work-suitable pants are good too, but while looking for them I realized something: Ankle-length pants look weird if they don’t taper at the ankle. They don’t have to be leggings-fit from the waist down, but if they’re just straight cut and short, they look like pants that are accidentally too short. Be careful.






Bermuda Shorts

These Bermudas from White House Black Market (the poor girl is listing; get her some water before she faints) have a nice low waist. If they were a tiny bit longer they’d be perfect.







…like these Gap 1969 dark denim Bermudas. Nice cuff, nice flat front.

So…pegged pants and Bermuda shorts? It feels like 1988 all over again. And that’s OK…Frankie says RELAX.